Another Melodifestivalen came and went without anything particularly notable. Manboy was confusing; who, in their right mind, would want to be called a manboy? Salem Al Fakir was Salem Al Fakir, and his song wasn't too outstanding because it had the same structure as last year's Eurovision winner, Fairytale (then again, don't they all?). Still, if anyone had a chance of winning Eurovision, it would be him. The juries all agreed and gave him the most points, but the song that the viewers picked to represent Sweden this year was the one I hoped wouldn't even be considered. I've tried several times, but I still haven't gotten through the whole song. Anna Bergendahl's voice is terrible; it almost makes me want to stop listening to female singers. It's worse than country. Slow songs with obvious, epic crescendos have no place on my music palatte. (photo source)

But that is the way of Eurovision. It seems all the formulaic, ostentatious songs get picked to represent even the most progressive countries on the music frontier. Yes yes, I realize that not every song is going to please me, but I just can't fathom that there are so many people out there that like such sucky music. Even with that being said, I still enjoy some of the worst, like Verka Serduchka's 2007 second place Eurovision song. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the song always puts a smile on my face. It's probably the accordion. (photo source)

All this competition got me thinking, "Why don't we have something similar in the U.S.?" I mean, we're already divided into states and from there we can get regions which compete on the national level. Heck, we could even include Canada, the Carribbean nations, Central America and Mexico. It would be a first step toward a North American Union, because as we all know, the Eurovision song contest was the precursor to the European Union.

But there are some hurdles to leap over first: what about regions? How can we divide up the geography so that people will be mostly happy and not cause international divisions? I'm a full proponent of having regions that cross borders, especially in conjunction with the U.S. (i.e., Pacific/Southwest: California, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico, Baja California, Baja California Sur, Sonora, Chihuahua)The key to international participation will be making sure the competition isn't centered on the U.S.

Another key aspect to consider are the broadcasting rights. Sure, we have semi-monopolistic broadcasters in the U.S., but it becomes a little less regulated in the South. I wouldn't want this to be an opportunity for the likes of NBC or ABC to expand their manifest destiny to the Carribbean and add them to their evil media empire. Unless, of course, they're already there and nothing bad has happened. I would want this to be an opportunity to build home-grown enterprises and empower the people through the power of music. Okay, I know that sounds cheezy, but I'm sure it'll also be good for people in the U.S. to get a glimpse of the culture from these lesser seen territories.

Let's see if I can explain how I'd want this to go down in a few sentences. First, states would be free to choose a song to represent them at the regional level in whatever way they like - most probably a contest where residents vote - whichever way the people agree on. The songs for each state or territory compete within their region in a text-message voting system with experts juries from other regions giving points to the ones they deem best. One song from each region competes at the national level with semi-finals and the rest of that stuff. Pretty much the same as Eurovision but in North America.

But there's still the problem of these horrible songs creeping through. I guess we'll just have to see what the people like. And who's going to get this started, you say? Well, if no one's done it, and I find myself with some time, then I guess I'll work on it, but that won't be for another year or so, so good luck with international relations until then, suckers.